My Definition of "Love": A Union of Two Sovereigns, Not a Merger of Two Halves

Forget your other half 

Our culture is saturated with a single persistent, profoundly damaging myth about love. We see it in our films, hear it in our songs, and read it in our literature. It is the narrative of the "other half," the idea that we are incomplete beings wandering the earth in search of a person who will finally make us whole. It is a story that frames love as a remedy for a deficiency and a solution to a personal void. It is a story that always struck me as a profound disservice to the majestic, formidable power of what a true union can be.

A partnership built on the premise of "completion" is a partnership built on need. It is an architecture of codependence, where two fragile structures lean on each other to avoid collapse. While it may offer a temporary feeling of security, it is an inherently unstable arrangement. If one partner falters, the other is threatened. It prioritizes comfort over strength, and solace over shared ambition.

I spent a great deal of my life observing the world and I come to realize a different, more powerful, and far more romantic model. It is not a merger of two halves. It is an alliance of two whole and independent sovereigns.

The Sovereign Individual as a Prerequisite

Before one can even contemplate a true union, one must first be a sovereign. A sovereign, in this sense, is a person who has done the difficult, solitary work of building their own domain. They have cultivated their own mind, they have secured their own sense of purpose, and they have established their own, unshakeable center of gravity. Their happiness is not contingent on another's presence. Their sense of self-worth is not outsourced. In essence, they are the ruler of their own inner kingdom.

This is not a state of selfish isolation. It is a state of profound self-possession. A sovereign individual does not enter a relationship to get something—validation, security, a solution to their loneliness. They enter a relationship to give something: the immense gift of their strength, their loyalty, and their perspective. They are not looking for a savior. They are looking for an equal.

The Alliance: A Union of Strength, Not a Bandage for Weakness

When two such sovereigns come together, the result is not a merger: it is an alliance. This is a union forged not from a shared weakness, but from a mutual recognition of strength. It is the moment one ruler looks across the battlefield of life and sees, on another hill, a fellow leader of immense and equal stature, and thinks, "Together, we could be unstoppable."

In this model, love is not about completing each other. It is about amplifying each other. Each partner remains whole and independent, but they choose to align their paths, their strategies, and their resources toward a shared mission. Their bond is not based on how much they need each other in moments of weakness, but on how much they admire each other's strength.

The private conversations in such a union are not about soothing insecurities and are about debating strategy. The shared goals are not about creating a comfortable domestic life, but are about building a legacy. The attraction is not just physical or emotional-- it is a deep, intellectual, and almost spiritual respect for the other's power, judgment, and will.

The Truest Form of Freedom

Some might see this model as unromantic and as too strategic or cold. In reality the opposite is true. It is the most romantic model imaginable, because it is the only one based on true freedom. Each partner is with the other not out of a desperate need but out of a conscious, deliberate, and daily choice. They choose to align, to support, to build together knowing full well they could survive (and even thrive) on their own. That choice, renewed every day, is a far more powerful declaration of love than any sentiment born of dependency.

This is a union that does not shrink from the world but seeks to shape it. It is a partnership that is not a retreat from life's great challenges but a formidable machine built to conquer them. It is two independent, powerful domains choosing to fly their banners together, not because they are afraid to stand alone but because they know their combined influence can change the very map of the world.

That is the only kind of love that has ever interested me. It is not about finding my other half. It is about finding my other, equal sovereign.