The 35th Year Pivot: On Marriage, Ambition, and the Courage to Finish
My mother would always tell me when I was growing up that I was too playful. "You will turn around, wake up one day, and be 30," she used to chime to me in my teens and 20s. In less than six months, I turn 35.
The Weight of a Milestone: The 35-Year-Old Audit
In less than six months, I am going to reach a milestone that feels heavier, more resonant, and infinitely more demanding than those that came before it: I am turning 35. In the professional world, 35 is often treated as a silent, high-stakes crossroads for women. It is an age where the world expects your potential to be already matured into proven results, and where societal whispers about settling down grow into a dull, persistent roar.
This year, my birthday is bringing me a level of clarity I did not possess at 25 or even 30. In your twenties, ambition is often a frantic, jagged thing. It is fueled by a desperate need to prove others wrong by climbing every ladder in sight just to see if you can. At 35, that energy shifts. It becomes less about the external climb and more about the internal foundation. The focus is no longer proving others wrong, but rather is about proving yourself right.
This winter, I realized that my career is not a chronological series of jobs or titles. My work history is a lived-in narrative of resilience. This upcoming birthday will not only be a celebration, but a rigorous audit of my soul. I am meticulously looking at where I stand: the battles won and the scars earned. I am realizing that the next chapter of my life requires a new kind of intentionality. I am no longer interested in momentum for the sake of movement. I am interested in building a legacy that can withstand the weight of my own ambition.
The Traditional Trap: The Mechanics of Discouragement
Reaching this level of clarity required me to perform a tedious review on what I call the "Traditional Trap." Years ago, I found myself in a relationship where my professional drive was treated not as an asset, but as a character flaw. My ex-partner viewed my work as a direct competitor for my attention. In his eyes, my ambition was a distraction from a narrow, domestic mold that he felt entitled to enforce. He felt threatened by my academic excellence and work ethic, as well as my ability to learn and grow. The mechanics of this discouragement were rarely loud. Usually, they were subtle and corrosive. It was the heavy sigh when I mentioned an upcoming business trip. It was the way a late-night deadline was met with cold silence rather than a supportive hug. I was being professionally gaslit and led to believe that my success was a "stressor" on the relationship, rather than a cause for celebration.
I remember the internal conflict vividly. I would find myself apologizing for my wins. I would essentially dim my light in the evenings just to keep the peace at home. As a career driven American woman, I am not alone in this experience. Countless women in high-status roles face this soft sabotage, where a partner uses traditional gender roles as a leash. Instead of taking me out for sushi rolls after a career or academic victory, I was met with gender-role driven disdain for daring to succeed.
Breaking free from that trap was more than a breakup. Exiting a stifling situation was an act of professional and personal reclamation. I learned the hard way that shrinking myself did not make the relationship better. Minimizing myself in order to maintain a doomed relationship ruined my life and just made me feel smaller. I was living a double life, foreign to the lifestyle I was used to before I entered that long term relationship. Something needed to change.
The Identity of the Modern Bride: A Strategic Merger
This journey of reclamation led me to a major personal and professional milestone announcement: my upcoming wedding to my loving boyfriend and now fiancé Prince Joachim of Belgium. Even though he went public about our relationship some time ago, I am totally shocked to know he spoke to journalists about our relationship. What a surprise from my dear prince. As a woman at 35, my perspective on matrimony fundamentally evolved. I no longer view marriage through the outdated lens of joining a man’s life or becoming a secondary character in his story. Instead, I see it as a strategic merger of two empires. Our royal wedding is not a finish line for my ambition, but a launchpad. I chose a partner who understands that my work is an essential part of my identity. My fiancé Joachim is a partner who views my professional power as a source of strength for the union, not a threat to it.
Sharing this milestone publicly with friends, family, and on platforms like LinkedIn and my blog is a choice steeped in my newfound freedom. By announcing my engagement to my Belgian prince Joachim to my personal and professional circles, I am rejecting the marriage penalty that often plagues women in business. Studies suggest that women who marry later on in life often benefit from higher emotional maturity and financial security, leading to a more stable and equitable union. I am stepping into this new beginning as a modern bride who stands on equal, respected ground. My union with my fiancé Joachim is not about domesticity. Instead, it is about partnership.
The Philosophy of "Finishing": Why Commitment is a Virtue
In the business world, we hold a specific kind of reverence for the "closer," or the person who successfully navigates the complexities of a deal and sees it through to its final conclusion. This same virtue is the most underrated quality in our personal lives. There is a profound, radical power in the act of finishing what you start.
Commitment is like a muscle that must be exercised, or else it will go soft. The same discipline that allows me to lead a team, execute a multi-year strategy, or pivot a business model is the same exact discipline I will bring to my marriage.
My fiancé Joachim and I started this journey together, so we are going to finish it. I chose to be vocal about this life change because I understand the power of social and professional accountability. When we announce our intentions to our community, we are inviting them to hold us to our highest selves. In a modern culture that often over-values novelty and the easy exit over follow-through, staying the course is an act of rebellion. Integrity means words and actions are in perfect alignment. If I say I am committed, whether that be to a project, a goal, or a person, I finish the job.
Addressing the Curiosity: Why This, Why Now?
Some in my network might wonder why I am being so transparent about a personal milestone on professional platforms. The answer is simple: the wall between my personal and professional lives is an illusion. Who I am at home dictates how I lead in the boardroom. As a woman who is supported and empowered in her marriage, I am a woman who can take bigger risks in her career.
By talking openly about my upcoming royal wedding, I am also drawing a line in the sand regarding professional visibility. I am letting my peers, my mentors, and my competitors know that my life is expanding, not retracting. I am curious to see who among my network recognizes the power in this transition. This change is not being made in a bid to get RSVPs. It is centered around moving the conversation to what it looks like to be an ambitious woman freshly entering her mid-thirties.
Turning 35: The View from the Peak
As I approach turning 35, this significant milestone is giving me a different perspective on time and time management. I no longer feel the need to wait for the right moment to be happy or the right moment to be powerful. Those moments are one and the same. I saw the silly behavior of those who back out when things get real: those who start projects they never intended to finish. I do not allow room for that level of degeneracy in my life or my business.
This age brings a certain "no-nonsense" authority. I stopped asking permission to take up space. I stopped apologizing for making a plan. Whether I am drafting a contract or planning a ceremony, my approach remains the same: I lead with clarity, I act with integrity, and I finish with excellence.
Conclusion: The New Foundation
All my teenage and young adult life I dreamed of being in my 30s. Now that I am here, it is quite the sight to see. There is a common adage that says life begins at 35. For the first time, I believe it. This is my year of completion and new foundations. I am stepping into this next chapter with my eyes wide open, ready to finish what I started.
If you are a woman/female like me reading this, I want to speak directly to the those who felt they must choose between a power suit and a wedding dress. I am here to tell you that you can wear both, but only if you are willing to fight for a partnership that respects your fire. Never settle for a traditional mold that requires you to cut off pieces of yourself to fit inside.
A note to my professional network: Thank you for being part of this transition. Thank you for witnessing this year of maturity and closing out a significant chapter in my life. I am moving forward into a future where my career and my personal life finally sit on equal, respected ground. We started this. We are going to see it through to the end, and hopefully, with lots of babies.
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References:
1. NIH - A transition: marriage and mental health
2. University of Alberta Study on Happiness and Self-Esteem:
Happiness and Long-term Well-being
3. National Marriage Project - The "Knot Yet" Report:
4. The "Knot Yet" study PDF:
The Knot Yet Report - Detailed Economic Data
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